Don’t do it!
The voice in my head keeps echoing. The familiar voice that has sounded the same warning so often in the past I stopped counting.
The striking midnight blue dress in the window stares enticingly back at me. And dopamine rushes through my body.
Walk…Away!
But I can’t. Won’t?
I glare rather than look at the exquisite fabric and the unique cut. Off the shoulder, mid-thigh length. Tight-fitted bodice. Flowy skirt.
This dress would definitely give me the confidence I need. I am certain of it.
Thinking of the party gives me anxiety and if I could just…buy this dress, I know I would kill it. Then they will see who I truly am. Beyond the surface.
Would they? Really?
I stand still for a few more minutes. The freshness of the playful wind is twirling around my face. Awakening my senses.
Look at the price tag. You can’t do this.
I ignore the voice and try to visualize the moment I will enter the party, where he will be. Where they all will be gathered. It’s the first time I'll see everyone after what happened.
It didn’t have to end the way it did. But it did. I can’t change that now.
It’s done. Over.
It’s too expensive!
Somehow, I can’t be bothered. It’s so pretty. I smile. It’s been decided. It's now beyond my control.
I enter the store, speak to the girl at the counter, and ask her to find the dress in my size.
“Would you like to try it on?” she asks.
I smile and shake my head determinedly.
“No, I need it.” She raises her eyebrows in surprise.
I hand her my credit card and close my eyes. I know the damage. But I don’t care.
Today I will simply enjoy.
Tomorrow I will pay for it.
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